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1. Coconut Boys can be of either the male or female gender. Female Coconut Boys will be referred to as Coconut Chicks.
2. All Coconut Boys are protected by the Bill of Squirrel Rights.
3. The Squirrelarch & Coconut Boys High Council reserve the right to add, amend, delete, alter or fabricate new and/or existing laws.
4. No Canadians may join the Coconut Boys except Elisha Cuthbert. However the Coconut Boys will consider reversing this rule if the Canadians send us $50 million and 500 tons of mixed nuts.
5. The Coconut Boys are and shall remain a Squirrelarchial government. Ideas of democracy are not tolerated.
6. All members must comply with all the rules. Failure to comply with the rules will result in punishment by Warrior Squirrel. Warrior Squirrel shows no mercy.
7. Members are not allowed to be fans of the Atlanta Braves. The Braves are evil.
8. Chipmunks may join the Coconut Boys.
9. No member may play the violin. The sounds of the violin & similar stringed instruments disrupt the life patterns of squirrels.
10. Cows may be admitted as members after passing the Mad Cow Disease Examination.
11. Members must be at least twelve years of age. Children under the age of twelve are evil.
12. No members of the Coconut Boys may be bald. Bald people confuse squirrels.
13. All Coconut Boys must play at least one sport. For list of acceptable sports click here:
14. All members must maintain a GPA of 2.0 or higher. Members whose GPA drops below 2.0 will be immediately deported to France.
15. No persons by the name of Natasha Bedingfield of Carrie Underwood may be admitted into the Coconut Boys.
16. Coconut Chicks are excused from Saturday Night tent meetings.